|Posted by BJArthur on May 5, 2011 at 5:37 PM|
so my next boyfriend is going to be a fireman/mechanic wholooks suspiciously like Shemar Moore. this is for several reasons.
1) firemen keep weird hours. i keep weird hours. we’re set there. also, firemen are big andstrong. I am not big or strong, so hecan take care of the stuff i can’t, like putting the cookies up where Baby can’t reach.
(she’s at the age where openingdoors is the fun-new-thing to do, so the cupboard under the table isn’t gonnawork anymore. i can’t tell you how many squashed fingers i’ve had to give mommy kisses to. i’d invest in those child locks but by the time i‘d figure themout, the kid won’t even need them anymore.)
2) i know shit about cars. i mean, the Veyron has a W16 engine, which is like two V8s strapped together, but other than that? wtf is a spoon engine? crankshaft? is nitrometh better than biofuel? or diesel? and for that matter, what is nitrometh? what’s a body kit? are Honda Civics really as popular as they are in the FnF movies?
see, all this shit would be useful to know as i write Five by Five. i would be able to add more realism to the story, make the characters more believable as mechanics if i knew what the heck i was talking about. or if i had a boyfriend who would know what i was supposed to be talking about. but instead, i’m stuck with Google. now, Google isn’t bad, but i don’t have time to sift through everything that pops up. i guess i could ask my Jiffy Lube man, but he already doesn’t think i should be on the road.
(“Ms Arthur, what the hell were you thinking, driving over the median? i don’t care if it was the middle of the night and there was no onearound. you drive a ‘79 Fleetwood, not a Jeep. do you know what you’ve done to your alignment? it’s bad enough you’re driving it into the ground. the whole underside of your car is just… just gimme your keys, Ms Arthur.” poor guy.)
3) have you seen Shemar Moore? go look him up. man’s beautiful.
so yeah. if you know a man of this description (single if possible – i don’t poach), let him know the woman of his dreams – a bookish single mother of one who can’t reach the high shelves and is putting herself through school again – is waiting for his call.